February 11, 2008 - "Morale, part 5" « PREVIOUS - ARCHIVE - NEXT »
President Richards has proposed a remarkable new plan to rally enthusiasm for the war: cheerleaders in combat! Glenn Mustachio is live on the battlefield... Janet, I think we all feel a little extra pride today as we witness the marriage of two of our most cherished national pastimes– football and war... Shoot 'em all! Kill 'em all! Waaay dead! Yaaaaay! Somebody shut them up! They're giving away our position! Go team! Woo hoo! INCOMING! GET DOWN! GET DOWN! Yaaay! Hee, hee! Woooo!! Yippee!!! BLAM! President Richards here... whaddya got? ... OK, get the press out of there. I don't want photos of a C-17 full of dead cheerleaders all over the Internet... ... and make sure those boys get some psychological counseling. It ain't an easy thing to see the embodiment of your country's appreciation and support blown to perky little shreds before your eyes. Ugh. Why do things like this always happen to me? It didn't happen to YOU, Mr. President.

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