October 5, 2007 - "Introduction, Chapter 003" « PREVIOUS - ARCHIVE - NEXT »
Through hard work, ruthless exploitation, and dumb geographic luck, a small minority of robots managed to carve out a society of unprecedented peace and prosperity. (buy tacos!) So they would not think too much (and risk upsetting the comfortable equilibrium they had worked so hard to build) the robots invented clever ways to numb and distract their restless minds. And so it went, for many years. Everything was perfect. Everything was automatic... EVERYTHING... I have detected your bowel movement is complete. Wait! No! I am now flushing your waste. Aaugh! Let me out of here, AL! I'm afraid I can't do that, Bob. I cannot allow you to jeopardize the mission. HELP! But there was no one to hear Bob's cries. It was 5:01 PM. The other robots had left the office at precisely 5:00 for a three-day holiday weekend. So there he sat, with no TV, no sports page, no internet or cell phone... For the first time in his life, Bob was alone with nothing but his own frightening thoughts. Eventually, of course, madness set in. Wait a minute! What if there's more to life than going to meetings and watching the TV? By God, if I ever get out of here, I'm gonna live every minute to its fullest! CARPE DIEM! Once he rejoined society, Bob forgot all about the insane, ridiculous nonsense he promised himself in the bathroom that lonely weekend, and tried to get back to a normal routine. But the experience had broken him. Sadly, for the rest of his life he would continue to suffer from frequent bouts of curiosity and passion. Hey everybody! Check it out! I got a stripe! Who gives a shit?!